Teach My Soul To Soar

Tonight was an awful awful night, but a blessing in disguise. I was just in my room alone on a Friday night, crying my eyes out. Mainly because I am just homesick, missing all the people I know are truly friends who care about me. I got a package in the mail from my friend Eli, and it was the most random simple package ever. But it meant so much, and made me so happy. But here at Trinity, I don't have those kinds of friends. Especially this year, so much as changed that the people I was excited to come back and see again are all so distant it's weird to say we were even friends to begin with. It's to the point where I am drowning myself with commitments to clubs, work, class so I don't have to think about it... but it has made me more alone than ever.

Then tonight Tyler called me, randomly, and was telling a story about this house blowing up and a flood being up to his waist, and the whole time I was thinking... I am so grateful for him. Him calling, not even knowing anything was wrong, touched my heart. Then after I started talking he knew something was wrong, and just sat and listened to me cry and vent and be the biggest baby of all time. It's moments like that though, that let me know things will be okay.

Now I'm sitting in my room, writing and just thinking. I sit here missing all the things I left behind, and things I left for the time being, and while taking advantage of what's in front of me I'm forgetting who gave it all to me. I miss Kirstin to death. Probably more than I can explain because she was actually a person I let my guard down to... and she is one of the best friends I could ask for. Though I miss her, I know she will always be there to push and challenge me to something better. That is exactly what I need in a friend.

God totally spoke to me tonight, telling me to just STOP. Stop and look around. I don't need the things I'm crying over. I need Him, and only Him. As cliche and cheesy as it sounds, I only need Him to be fulfilled. Cheesy but so true. "Surely as the sun will rise." I leave Him out of so many of my feelings... I put my guard up to the only person who knows everything I am feeling. The Creator of everything within me and everything around me. The one who TRULY loves me and is ALWAYS at my side, never sitting and watching me go down. Like in Hosea 6, it says He will appear, He will heal us and bind our wounds. God's Word is so powerful, it never fails to leave me sitting there in awe of His almighty power, His mercy, His love, and His majesty.

I mean seriously think about it. EVERYTHING we see as beautiful. All the people with beautiful spirits, all the trees, all the rivers, all the mountains, and northern lights, stars, moon, sun. ALL OF IT! All of it is from Him, created. It's unbelievable how much I take that for granted and don't appreciate the way He appreciates me and appreciates His own Creation. Not only that though. Not only the visible beauty, but the invisible beauty. The things we see from people everyday, whether it be in someones actions, words, or their overall spirit. All the poverty, all the destruction, all the tears, the anger, the hurt and pain. He is there and He is waiting for us to reach out. It's His Creation and it is something I have been thinking a lot about. We need to serve, we need to be the hands and feet for God in this sad world we live in today.

As I'm sitting here, just basking myself in thoughts of Him... all I want to do is go outside and sit. Sit and feel the wind... feel God blowing against my soul and renewing my spirit and loving me... just loving me for me.

Because there is nothing like Your love...